The 8 Douchiest Tech Trends Today

Why do some tech trends work and others just make you look like a douche? There are a lot of reasons. Some trends try to look ahead of their time or mimic something from science fiction. Others just make the user look more important than they really are.

There are a lot of tech trends out there, but here are eight of the douchiest tech trends today:

1. The Apple Watch (high-end)

The high-end Apple Watch

This watch costs $17,000. You can also add the warranty for an additional $1,500 for a total of $18,500. Does it provide a mid-size sedan’s amount of functionality?  nope.  Could it pay for Spotify memberships for 2000 people?  nope.  Does it provide you with an ultra-douchey way of showing off your wealth.  Of course it does, douche.

2. Bluetooth Headsets

Bluetooth headsetsYou’re really not as important as you think. This has to be one of the douchiest tech trends out there. Wearing bluetooth headsets makes people look like robots which is okay in Sci-Fi, but not in real life.

Wearing technology on your head is hard to pull off, even for celebrities. Unless you’re driving or work for the Secret Service, there’s no need to wear them.

3. Clip-on Phone Holsters

The phone holsterUnless you work in construction, this is the clearest indicator that you’ve fully embraced your 80’s dad style.  Weirdly enough, most of the people that do this are rockin’ blackberries . . 

4. Google Glass

Google Glass
You’re not Lieutenant Geordi La Forge from Star Trek and you’re creeping people out everywhere you go. Some tech trends try to look ahead of their time and fail for this reason. Google Glass falls into this category.

Unfortunately for Google Glass, their product was a bust. Not only was it ridiculously expensive (about $1,500), but it also made their users look like sketchy db’s. The term “Glasshole” (people who use them in public) has even been coined.

If you want to buy one (and please don’t), you’ll have to look to eBay or Amazon.

5. Using Your iPad as a Camera in Public

iPads are not good for photography
iPads are great for sitting on your couch to casually surf the internet. And though the camera is decent, it’s absolutely ridiculous to watch people snap photos in public with them.

People think they look cool as they snap away, when in reality, it looks like you’re taking pictures with a Trapper Keeper.  

6. IO Hawk

IO Hawk
IO Hawk, we know you’re trying to be the hoverboard from Back to the Future, but you’re not.

This douchey trend aims to make us even more lazy than we already are. Whenever I see someone on one of these things I think, “Please fall! Please fall!” I’m sorry, i can’t help it.

The creator of the IO Hawk says this will be the “next evolution in the way that we move.” This country already has a huge issue with obesity, we don’t need help making it worse.

They call it the “Intelligent personal mobility device.” Unless you’re a senior citizen, you shouldn’t have a mobility device. If you need anymore proof that this is douchey, just remember that Justin Bieber uses it.

Justin Bieber uses the IO Hawk.

7. The PornHub App

The Porn Hub App
People usually go to great lengths to hide the fact that they look at porn. So to have it readily available on your phone using the PornHub app means you’re incredibly douchey.

If you feel comfortable looking at porn in public, you’re too confident for your own good.

8. Wearing GoPro Cameras on Your Head

GoPro cap

Strapping a camera onto your head…what’s douchey about that?  Nothing if you’re Tony Hawk, or someone else about to give us an experience from a perspective we’d never attain.  But if you’re strapping this monstrosity to your face while parasailing in Cancun, then sir or madame, you are a douche.